Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Let Go Of Your Enemies and Focus on Your Blessings

I woke up yesterday to the news that Brat Pitt and Angelina Jolie were done, over, a wrap. I'll keep it real with you, the first person I thought of was Jennifer Aniston. Brad Pitt would publicly make jokes about Jenn since leaving her. And now his behind is getting dragged. Whether we treat people wrong or right, we reap what he sow.

But instead of wishing for those who hurt me to have hell in their life, I put that energy into wishing for my life to be beautiful, full and blessed. I talk about that in this video that you can watch here.

Trust me it makes a difference when you allow yourself to be mad, release what those people did to you and convert that energy to blessings in your life. As my mama always says, "Don't let people rent space in your head."

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

I'm Reading at Get Lit TONIGHT




I'm reading at Get Lit tonight in Oakland at the Jingletown Jazz Room, right across from Fruitvale BART Station. I will be reading with a heavy heart after hearing another unarmed, Black man has been killed by police. This man was sitting in his car reading a book. Tonight I will be reading in a literary space, with people who love words.  And I'll hold in my heart a dead man who did something that I do everyday, for enlightenment or comfort--read.  He was killed and all he had was a book. This must stop. Black people don't deserve to live in fear like this.

Sunday, September 18, 2016

I'm Hyped About The Emmys and The People v. O.J. Simpson

Photos provided by FX



 It's Emmy Sunday! I love awards shows but this one is extra special because actor Sterling K. Brown was nominated for his supporting role in The People v. O.J. Simpson. Brown played my father, former prosecutor Christopher Darden. The show received 22 nominations! Only second behind Game of Thrones.

I'm also rooting for Courtney B. Vance (Johnnie Cochran) and Sarah Paulson (Marcia Clark). The entire cast were amazing. Brown is up against his fellow cast members John Travolta (Robert Shapiro) and David Schwimmer (Robert Kardashian).  Despite the competition the entertainment press report Sterling K. Brown is the favorite.

Tomorrow night I will be ready with my glass of Stella Rosa and popcorn. This is so exciting!

The Emmys air live on ABC, 7pm EST/ 4pm PST.  Keep your fingers crossed!

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Cocoa Fly Podcast Update

My heart is in radio and podcasting. That's where I'm planning to shift the focus of CocoaFly.com. I love writing, but I love audio storytelling too. Video is starting to grow on me.

I'm still working out the logistics on iTunes. But feel free to listen to Cocoa Fly interviews already on iTunes. I'm also working on getting it on the Libsyn Podcast Source app.

I'll have more updates soon!

Thursday, September 8, 2016

The Battle for My Black Womanhood



I broke up with spoken word about 12 years ago. Or maybe spoken word and I took a break. I was more focused on news writing and I felt the scene became so cliche. I felt like I heard everything before and people weren't original. The spoken word scene is smaller in LA compared to Oakland/SF.   Just trying to write a poem was hard for me.

I moved back to the Bay Area and met all kinds of people in the literary scene. New people and and a re-emergence of violence against people of color and women inspired me to write creatively again. It feels really good.

This reading was special because the night before was my surprise breakup. I hadn't slept much, but I wanted to be there. I told the audience that I felt awful and why I felt awful. They were ALL so supportive. I joked that I wished he had broken up with me sooner so I could have better breakup poetry. LOL

 I love this piece because it speaks to my journey to loving myself and the woman I have become. I'm prissy and girlie and hella feminine. Many times it was an internal and external to accept that because society looks down on the feminine, while at the same time try to deny femininity to Black women.

By the way, I filmed this in early August. I have on a leather jacket and a head wrap in August. That's San Francisco for ya.

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Feeling Your Feelings After a Breakup

Photo by Kiomi from FreeImages
Today I saw a meme on Facebook that said sensitivity is a super power. It is a super power. And like  a superhero coming into their powers, they have to learn how to release and control them.  They have to learn when it's right to use their power. They must learn how powerful they really are and not be afraid of their powers. But having superpowers isn't always easy. And as the hero learns their strengths, they also learn their weaknesses.

I love and appreciate my sensitivity because it helps me connect to people. It also helps me disconnect from toxic people. My sensitivity, has a Spidey-like sense, that's pretty good at telling me who I should engage with and who I should stay away from.

My sensitivity keeps me in touch with my own feelings. Right now I'm really in touch with my own feelings. Right now I'm hella in my feelings. And I don't like it. But I know I have to feel them to get through this.  I'm drinking an emotional cocktail of disappointment, anger, hurt, nostalgia, but I have to finish the glass. One day I'm mad at the person. The next day I miss them. The third day I'm mad that I miss them. The fourth day I have compassion for anger and hurt for missing them. I HATE THIS! LOL And a breakup raises other questions in my life like, "Why is it so hard to meet the right guy?" or "Are all of the good men taken?" or "Who can I trust?"

My sensitive superpowers got me feeling
some kind of way. 
I know allowing myself to feel without letting emotions overtake me is how to get through. It's a balance of controlling and releasing my superpower. But it doesn't feel good. This is one reason why people turn to drugs, booze, sex, shopping addictions,  etc. They numb their feelings. Feeling your feelings can be torturous. Ooooh when the feelings are good, they're sooooo GOOD. But when you feel like sh*t, it's baaaaaddddd. Those of us with torn hearts have to go through the tears, hating Facebook because it feels like everyone is booed up except you, analyzing what went wrong and what mistakes you won't make next time, missing and hating your ex at the same time, feeling bad because you miss and hate your ex at the same, horny from no sex or having no interest in sex, feeling sad when places you went on dates resurrect memories, wishing you had done something different, and fear. You have to face whatever fears that came out of that broken relationship, so you can move on and trust someone with your heart again.



Not enough booze to drink away these feelings. 
Some years ago I got my heart broken real bad. Like Jazmine Sullivan, Carrie Underwood, Waiting to Exhale Angela Bassett pissed off, bad. No cars were damaged or burned, but I understood why that goes through a woman's mind. Still, ain't no man worth me going to jail over.  Thank God this breakup was not on that level at all. But that other Jazmine Sullivan-angry breakup left me hating my ex. I hated that guy for a long time and wished all kinds of hell on him. Until I realized it did more emotional damage to me than him. I couldn't open my heart to anyone else until I let go of how he hurt me. You know what I did? Instead of wishing him hell on Earth, I began to wish for blessings in my life. The greatest revenge is success. Or as said in the Book of Formation, the best revenge is your paper. I would rather be blessed with a great life and a good man, than for that jerk to suffer. Think about it. If you hate the hell out of your ex and could have one choice, which would it be? Would you rather them be in so much pain and agony that they regretted the thought of hurting you? Or would you choose to be so blessed and happy that he or she did doesn't even matter to you anymore?

In my Wonder Woman shirt with
my superpowers of sensitivity. I'm smiling
because I'm at SF Comic Con.  
I've grown up because I don't hate the person involved in my latest breakup. I hate how they made me feel. I hate that I'm going through this emotional roller coaster. But I learned in the past that I have to deal with this in order to heal from this. I have to feel the rawness and let it pass.  I know this bumpy, emotional ride will end. I've been on this ride before. I've gotten off of it and straightened myself up. I'll open my heart and mind with the intention that the next ride with a special person will be so pleasant, neither of us will want to get off. Hope and faith are good superpowers to have.

*Sorry for the ramble. I just felt like rambling. And I just came back from SF Comic Con which is probably why I'm on the superpower kick.*

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