Starting Your Dreams Later In Life and Embracing the Detour

I know it's been a while since I've posted anything but that's because of my job. I'm working as a reporter covering Oakland and I host an arts segment on the radio where I get to interview amazing artists from around the Bay Area. Plus I'm publicizing my book and building my speaking career! 
You know what's funny? I thought this would all happen by the time I was 27-30.  Nope. That wasn't God's plan for me. I'm finally beginning to do the things I've wanted to do and I'm almost 40 years old. Some people reading this who are 40 will say 40 is still young. But some younger people reading may think 40 is nearly ancient. But I'm writing this post for those who like me, thought their career and personal dreams would come true much early in life. I'm here to tell you not to give up. 
You know, death inspires life. A number of my relatives and friends have passed away, ranging in age from 20's to 80's. Actor Luke Perry, my middle…

Feeling Your Feelings After a Breakup

Photo by Kiomi from FreeImages
Today I saw a meme on Facebook that said sensitivity is a super power. It is a super power. And like  a superhero coming into their powers, they have to learn how to release and control them.  They have to learn when it's right to use their power. They must learn how powerful they really are and not be afraid of their powers. But having superpowers isn't always easy. And as the hero learns their strengths, they also learn their weaknesses.

I love and appreciate my sensitivity because it helps me connect to people. It also helps me disconnect from toxic people. My sensitivity, has a Spidey-like sense, that's pretty good at telling me who I should engage with and who I should stay away from.

My sensitivity keeps me in touch with my own feelings. Right now I'm really in touch with my own feelings. Right now I'm hella in my feelings. And I don't like it. But I know I have to feel them to get through this.  I'm drinking an emotional cocktail of disappointment, anger, hurt, nostalgia, but I have to finish the glass. One day I'm mad at the person. The next day I miss them. The third day I'm mad that I miss them. The fourth day I have compassion for anger and hurt for missing them. I HATE THIS! LOL And a breakup raises other questions in my life like, "Why is it so hard to meet the right guy?" or "Are all of the good men taken?" or "Who can I trust?"

My sensitive superpowers got me feeling
some kind of way. 
I know allowing myself to feel without letting emotions overtake me is how to get through. It's a balance of controlling and releasing my superpower. But it doesn't feel good. This is one reason why people turn to drugs, booze, sex, shopping addictions,  etc. They numb their feelings. Feeling your feelings can be torturous. Ooooh when the feelings are good, they're sooooo GOOD. But when you feel like sh*t, it's baaaaaddddd. Those of us with torn hearts have to go through the tears, hating Facebook because it feels like everyone is booed up except you, analyzing what went wrong and what mistakes you won't make next time, missing and hating your ex at the same time, feeling bad because you miss and hate your ex at the same, horny from no sex or having no interest in sex, feeling sad when places you went on dates resurrect memories, wishing you had done something different, and fear. You have to face whatever fears that came out of that broken relationship, so you can move on and trust someone with your heart again.



Not enough booze to drink away these feelings. 
Some years ago I got my heart broken real bad. Like Jazmine Sullivan, Carrie Underwood, Waiting to Exhale Angela Bassett pissed off, bad. No cars were damaged or burned, but I understood why that goes through a woman's mind. Still, ain't no man worth me going to jail over.  Thank God this breakup was not on that level at all. But that other Jazmine Sullivan-angry breakup left me hating my ex. I hated that guy for a long time and wished all kinds of hell on him. Until I realized it did more emotional damage to me than him. I couldn't open my heart to anyone else until I let go of how he hurt me. You know what I did? Instead of wishing him hell on Earth, I began to wish for blessings in my life. The greatest revenge is success. Or as said in the Book of Formation, the best revenge is your paper. I would rather be blessed with a great life and a good man, than for that jerk to suffer. Think about it. If you hate the hell out of your ex and could have one choice, which would it be? Would you rather them be in so much pain and agony that they regretted the thought of hurting you? Or would you choose to be so blessed and happy that he or she did doesn't even matter to you anymore?

In my Wonder Woman shirt with
my superpowers of sensitivity. I'm smiling
because I'm at SF Comic Con.  
I've grown up because I don't hate the person involved in my latest breakup. I hate how they made me feel. I hate that I'm going through this emotional roller coaster. But I learned in the past that I have to deal with this in order to heal from this. I have to feel the rawness and let it pass.  I know this bumpy, emotional ride will end. I've been on this ride before. I've gotten off of it and straightened myself up. I'll open my heart and mind with the intention that the next ride with a special person will be so pleasant, neither of us will want to get off. Hope and faith are good superpowers to have.

*Sorry for the ramble. I just felt like rambling. And I just came back from SF Comic Con which is probably why I'm on the superpower kick.*

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