When I thought this election couldn’t get any more
sensational, disturbing and sexist, a tape leaks of Republican Presidential
Nominee Donald Trump from 11 years ago explaining how he grabs the genitals of
women he’s attracted to. “When you’re a star they let you do it.” I’m sure his
wealth, power and male privilege also play a part in why he feels entitled to
grab women. Trump’s boast of sexual assault triggered women across all
political spectrums. I don’t care what party you vote or don’t vote for, many
women can identify with being sexually assaulted, harassed or encountering a perverted man who made them feel uncomfortable.
But some Trump supporters think women are not only
overreacting, but actually opened the doors for this kind of language. Since Pussygate, I’ve noticed memes and political commentators comparing Trump’s
remarks about force to Fifty Shades of Grey.
“Unfortunately we have made that to be a culture, a 50
Shades of Gray culture in society where man can talk like that,” said Trump
supporter Scottie Nell Hughes on CNN. She also mentioned Magic Mike, a film about
male exotic dancers, as another example.
Many issues rose up for me.
First, those dismissing
Trump’s
remarks as locker room talk are focusing on Trump using vulgar language, instead
of the aggressive actions he is speaking about. Second, author E.L. James and
the
Magic Mike filmmakers aren’t running for president. And last time I
checked, men were saying disgusting things about women long before
Fifty Shades
hit bookshelves. Yes,
Fifty Shades is about a couple into BDSM. While I
have myissues with the series, the actual practice of BDSM is about consent. Finally,
they’re implying that women who enjoy adult, erotic entertainment shouldn’t be
outraged because they like reading and watching things about sex.
Now we’re tipping into the shaming area for women who
consume erotica. A woman choosing to enjoy erotic entertainment isn’t an
invitation for language glorifying sexual assault or the act itself. Nor does
it mean they condone it. One in five women are sexually assaulted. It’s hard
for me to believe that the millions of women who read Fifty Shades, watched Magic
Mike are okay with a man saying he wants to grab the genitals of a woman he’s
attracted to. There is no correlation between Trump’s actions, and women being
fans of erotica. These kind of remarks remind me of people who say women are
asking for rape when they wear short skirts.
Erotica is one of my favorite genres of literature,
especially by Black authors. I read it, write about it and have researched
it. The ways writers, of all
backgrounds, use words and stories for sexual expression interests me. That
doesn’t mean I want or enjoy unwelcomed touches.
My butt started to poke out and get rounder in middle
school. I hated when boys in my class
grabbed my behind. I hated when men
sexually harassed me in college and at the workplace. It’s not just men. The
last person to grope me was a female co-worker.
Yes I like erotic art and literature. My interests don’t justify me
being harmed. The fear, anger and vulnerable feelings that followed from these
violations shook me.
Saying that women took part in creating this culture, which
is actually rape culture, because we read and watch erotica, or even listen to
sexy joints by Beyonce is ludicrous. If that’s the case then men who watch
Westerns and mafia films condone gun violence and shouldn’t be upset when
innocent people are killed. Silly right? Should I assume people who watch slasher and horror
movies have established a culture of evil and stabbings? Should we blame boys
and men when they are sexually assaulted since so many males in this country
consume pornography? No to all of those questions. Yet, society judges women.
Even Melania Trump, who posed nude years ago, denounced her
husband’s words. I have nothing against Mrs. Trump’s photos. It’s her body, she
was a model and that was her right to pose. I’m not surprised she disproved of
her husband’s remarks.
If Trump said the word “pussy,” but didn’t share how he force
touches and kisses women, I don’t think there would as much outrage. There
might be even less outrage if over the past year Trump showed more respect to
women. But between the sexual comments about his daughter Ivanka, body shaming women,
interrupting Hillary Clinton – his public engagement with women is disgraceful
and misogynistic.
As my Southern grandmothers say, “You got to tell it like it
is.” First Lady Michelle Obama did that in New Hampshire when she said to a
crowd, “Strong men, men who are truly role models, don’t need to put down women to make themselves feel
powerful.”
This election and Pussygate is just another reminder that
rape culture continues to be a major problem in our country and our world. As
Mrs. Obama powerfully stated, “A measure of any society is how it treats its
and women and girls.” If one and five women are sexually assaulted, we need to
treat our women and girls better.
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Tuesday, Nov. 8th can’t get here fast enough.
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