No Wedding No Womb is a cyber movement featuring 100 black bloggers speaking out against the high percentage of African-American children born out of wedlock, fatherlessness in the community and to encourages black women to be more sexually responsible. Writer Christelyn Karazin of the blog Beyond Black and White is the brains behind NWNW. Below is CocoaFly.com's contribution...
R&B singer Kelly Price has a new song I play when my soul needs to vent called “Tired.” Price gives me chills when she belts how she’s tired of everything from lies and paying bills to keeping it real. Well, I’m tired too. I’m TIRED of sistas settling for the sperm. Too many black children are coming into this world fatherless. We’ve bought into this false idea hurting our community that BABY - MARRIAGE = BLACK WOMAN’S FATE. While many sistas desire to be “Mrs. So and So” one day, some of us think the title “Baby Mama” is the best we can do. Instead of setting our sights on true love, marriage and commitment from a man, we settle for his sperm and make babies. We all know the sista who settles for the sperm. She’s working the register at JC Penney and making moves at JP Morgan. She’s our girlfriend in love with the guy who isn’t ready to settle down. But she gives her womb and heart to him anyway. She’s the neighbor who takes out her frustrations from her past mistakes on her child. “You no good just like your daddy!” she yells to her kid over and over. But everyone on the block, including her, knew the guy was a loser. He never had time for his other kids and only made time for her when in the mood. But she settled for the sperm and a swollen belly. Both of these scenarios often have the same ending. She’s due in nine months. He’s gone. As for the baby, he or she may see their dad a few times. It’s no surprise Daddy split. He wasn’t serious nor reliable when they were dating. So why would he be there for his child?
I understand things happen. Condoms break and faulty birth control pills work more like Skittles than sperm blockers. Or the baby’s father was supportive in the beginning but did a 180 and vanished. Those cases aren’t settling for the sperm. They’re “oopsies.” I’m not putting all of the blame on this crisis on sistas, nor am I attacking single black mothers. Men who make babies they don’t care for need to be responsible. And not all black kids from single-parent households are troubled. But some of us women are more selective about which shoes to buy for a Trey Songz concert then we are about the men we bring into our lives. We’re so thirsty for love that even when “the one” won’t put a ring on it, we still let him put it in. And the overwhelming consequences in our community are fatherless boys with no map to manhood so they turn to the streets. And Daddy-less girls search for a father-figure in any man who’ll give them attention. Then the sperm-settling cycle continues.
But what really, really makes me TIRED is how the black community accepts fatherless homes as the norm. A girlfriend told me when she attended a family reunion relatives asked when were she and her boyfriend planning to have children. My friend responded, “Can we talk about marriage first?” I’ve shocked people when I told them I’m in my early 30s and have no children. One brotha asked me, “How did you do that?” But he didn’t miss a beat when I said I wasn’t married.
Some think black women have a better chance of finding a purple unicorn than a man who will say“ I Do” before we tell him, “I’m due.” The media, your family or friends may have implied you’re not marriage material because men don’t like black women. And just be happy that any dude with most of his teeth and enough sperm to give you a few babies is interested in you. All are FALSE. I’m aware when it comes to who exemplifies womanhood, society rates black women toward the bottom. And I know since slavery, black women’s bodies have been seen as “baby-making factories.” But this internalization of ourselves must stop. As Maya Angelou wrote in the poem "Our Grandmothers",” …my description cannot fit your tongue, for I have a certain way of being in this world.”
So sista define yourself as being worthy--worthy of good , stable love and joy. Set your sights for that man who you KNOW will be a good partner to you AND a great father to your children. Until you find him, use a condom. Please. The Black Girls Blues soundtrack of single and lonely with kids is not your destiny. Michelle Obama, Holly Robinson-Peete, Iman and countless sistas around the globe can attest to that. Sista, you don’t have to settle for the sperm.
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