Starting Your Dreams Later In Life and Embracing the Detour

Jenee Darden speaking at Creative Mornings I know it's been a while since I've posted anything but that's because of my job. I'm working as a reporter covering Oakland and I host an arts segment on the radio where I get to interview amazing artists from around the Bay Area. Plus I'm publicizing my book  and building my speaking career!  You know what's funny? I thought this would all happen by the time I was 27-30.  Nope. That wasn't God's plan for me. I'm finally beginning to do the things I've wanted to do and I'm almost 40 years old. Some people reading this who are 40 will say 40 is still young. But some younger people reading may think 40 is nearly ancient. But I'm writing this post for those who like me, thought their career and personal dreams would come true much early in life. I'm here to tell you not to give up.  You know, death inspires life. A number of my relatives and friends have passed away, ranging in

TV Dads, Babies' Daddies, Vasectomies and Condoms

Back in the 80s and 90s my favorite TV dads were The Cosby Show's Dr. Huxtable and Roseanne's Dan Conner. Last decade Everybody Hates Chris daddy had me cracking up. Julius was so cheap he made James from Good Times look like Puff Daddy. But a new big poppa has stolen my heart in the 20-teens. He's a prissy, sensitive ex-college football player who makes me laugh every Wednesday night. Oh and he's gay. I'm talking about Modern Family's Cameron Tucker, played by Eric Stonestreet. The man is hilarious. There are only a few TV shows that I can not miss and Modern Family is one of them. Cameron and his partner Mitchell adopted a baby girl from Vietnam. Although Cameron's fathering style is a cross between the motherly love of June Cleaver and the blunders of Franny Fine, you can't help but not love him. He's protective and sweet to his baby girl Lily. Just like all fathers should be. He did accidentally leave his baby in a hotel elevator in Hawaii, but Cameron gets a pass because parents aren't perfect. That's the theme of today's sitcoms. Lucky for Cameron, the elevator episode had a happy, perfect ending.

Enough of TV land. Let's get back to reality. We've been bombarded in the news about women's, especially black women's, expectations being too high. But I'm writing to all women today. The "high expectations" stuff has got me thinking about Father's Day. I'm single and childless and happy because I'm not ready for those responsibilities just yet. But as I keep my eyes open for "The One", father material is high on my "Must Have" list for a mate. I want a man who will be good to me and OUR children. I am not talking about a Baby's Daddy. I'm talking about a MAN who will be a FATHER to OUR children. You know that saying, "Anyone can be a daddy, but it takes a real man to be a father." I don't want my kids to loathe Father's Day because the man I chose to mate with turned out to be a dead beat. That's not to say things don't happen and the person you had a child with changed for the negative. But for all of the single ladies out there with bare ring fingers and eggs itching to be fertilized, make sure your man is also father material. Don't get caught up in this hoopla that you're too picky. If you have a child with a man he'll be in your life for at least 18 years. So be picky and have high expectations. I'm not arguing that you only date a man with a Donald Trump bank account and David Beckham's fineness (Did you see him at the World Cup? Yum!) Some of us take more time when choosing a pair shoes than a lover. Too many kids in this world don't know their father or have fathers who aren't stepping up. Forget what the media and mediocre rappers who cheat on their girlfriends tell you. You and your future family deserve more than the mediocre.

On this Father's Day I ask all of the deadbeat dads to buy a pack of condoms or get a vasectomy so you don't make anymore children you wont care for. I know it's good business for Maury Povich, but it's not fair to the kid.

And to the all of the men in our global village who are raising and mentoring children, Happy Father's Day. Miss you Paw-Paw.


  1. Love that show. And you are so right about the deadbeats.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate

  2. Oooh you watch Modern Family too? Girl that is my show. I love the gay couple and the little Latino boy. He's funny too.


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