Starting Your Dreams Later In Life and Embracing the Detour

Jenee Darden speaking at Creative Mornings I know it's been a while since I've posted anything but that's because of my job. I'm working as a reporter covering Oakland and I host an arts segment on the radio where I get to interview amazing artists from around the Bay Area. Plus I'm publicizing my book  and building my speaking career!  You know what's funny? I thought this would all happen by the time I was 27-30.  Nope. That wasn't God's plan for me. I'm finally beginning to do the things I've wanted to do and I'm almost 40 years old. Some people reading this who are 40 will say 40 is still young. But some younger people reading may think 40 is nearly ancient. But I'm writing this post for those who like me, thought their career and personal dreams would come true much early in life. I'm here to tell you not to give up.  You know, death inspires life. A number of my relatives and friends have passed away, ranging in

Kill the (Text) Messenger
Why Do Some Men Text Instead of Call?

S. Korean Youths Conversation Behaviour Patterns Changed By Mobile PhonesRemember the days of meeting a men pre-text message era? He asked you for your number. You rummaged through your purse for an ink pen, eyeliner, something. While he dug in his pockets for an old receipt. You gave him the digits and he WROTE your number down. Later he called. You two chit-chat and then he asks you out. You both go on a date. It's either a hit or a bust. The end.

It's a much different story today. Guy meets Girl. Guy asks Girl for her number. He whips out his cellphone. Guy adds her to his contact list and tells Girl he'll hit her up later. Next day Guy texts Girl something cute. You know like, "nice 2 meet you" or "U have a pretty smile & I can't wait to kick it w/ u." The cupcake messages makes Girl blush. But Girl is waiting for the big call. Over the next few days Guy is texting away. "What are you doing?" "Hey, what's up?" "When we gonna kick it?" yadda, yadda, yadda. Then he sends Girl messages on Facebook. His fingers never get tired. Girl wonders if his mouth is broken. Maybe he had his wisdom teeth pulled and that's why he can't pick up the phone and speak to her. Finally, Guy asks Girl out...via text message. "What do u like to do 4 fun?" " R U busy this weekend?" Girl gets frustrated and texts her friend, " OMG! Y is this guy tripping?" Girl will either play text message ping pong with Guy and set up a date. Or she'll tell herself she can do better and move on to the next guy.

I'm old school. Maybe some of my college-aged Cocoa Fly readers are cool with this but to me, if you can't pick up the phone and ask me out then you're not serious. Not all guys are text-a-holics. In my experiences recently, I've given my info to quite a few men who will talk on the phone a few minutes and fill up in my text inbox. Sure it's fun to send little sexy messages to each other once the relationship has jumped off. If we're still in the getting-to-know-each other stage text messages don't help me get to know you. Oh, hold up. Light bulb moment. Maybe that's the point. It's easy to hide behind text messaging. People have apologized to me in texts, asked me out in texts, flirted with me strictly via texts. It's a cop out. I've even heard of instances where couples have broken up via text messages. We have so many tools for communication in this age--Facebook, text messages, email, cellphones, Twitter, etc. But we're still not communicating with each other. None of that technology compares to talking one on one. For guys juggling women and/or who hate those words, "We need to talk," I can see how text messaging is the ultimate shield. The fellas aren't the only ones guilty of this because women use texts to avoid others too.

Don't get me wrong, I like text messaging. You can use it to contact friends you're looking for at the club. I've sent a message in the movie theater when I needed to reach someone. And there's nothing like getting a text from a friend or lover who cheers you up. That's where it ends for me. I figure if a man I just met doesn't have time to talk to me, then he's not worth my time.

Have other ladies experienced this? For fellas who like to text, can you tell us why?


  1. OMG!!! I SOOOO AGREE! I can't stand when man asks you out via a TEXT! WTF! Human contact is soooo important! You are not an android!

  2. HA HA HA! I definitely have experience with this. I actually had a guy try to talk to me via text a WEEK after I gave him my number. He even had the nerve to be upset that I didn't remember who he was.

  3. @ Erika--OMG! Girl the exact same thing happened to me yesterday. I got a text from someone that read, "Hey Miss Lady." I replied "Who is this?" He texts, "You deleted my number already I'm the guy you met at ..." Girl, I met him 1 1/2 weeks ago. I guess it's not just me. If any fellas are reading this please explain why some of your brethren do this.

  4. I'm guilty of being a text-message whore. Now that Blackberrys have BBM, I use that instead of making calls. It drive my bf nuts. He's big on making the calls.

  5. @ Susie- I'm so behind. I've heard of BBM but don't know exactly what it is. I don't have a smart phone. And it sounds you like you have a good boyfriend ;)

  6. To me it's about laziness; and for as long as we indulge in it, we as women are part of the problem.

    I've had guys give up trying to communicate with me altogether after sending only one text message. One text message!!!

    I don't text men because I've found that texting just breeds more texting. If you want a guy to call you, you CANNOT respond to his text messages. Just don't even start with the texting ladies. And if he gives up that easily, imagine all of the other things he's probably given up on in his life as well.

    A book, dating guide if you will, was recently written that helps women navigate texting in the dating world. You can read my review of it here:


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