Hey it's not my idea. That's what Essence magazine suggests in their June issue where they list 10 places to meet black men. Gina over at What About Our Daughters ripped the article on her blog last week. I wanted to see the article with my own eyes before responding. There's no way Essence would list strip clubs as the new hot spot to meet men. Right? I'm in CVS the other night flipping through the magazine with J-Hud on the cover and there it was, suggestion #5--go to a strip club.
Huh? Essence said what????? The same Essence magazine that launched a campaign against the exploitation of black women in hip hop suggests my girls and I hit up Spearmint Rhino to find a brotha who may "put a ring on it." The Essence magazine, legendary for uplifting black women for decades recommended us single sistas take a trip to places criticized for exploiting women. I'm supposed to meet a man there? I guess it doesn't matter where I find a man. At least it beats spending another Saturday night watching Cheaters.
Are black women's search for love so dismal that we must resort to finding men at the strip club? The article listed other places like community service events, political campaigns and summer festivals. Good ideas. But the strip club? I don't care if the joints are high end. Do wealthy, educated men go to nudie bars? Of course. But I'm not stepping to a man while Roxxxy is shaking her ta-tas in his face? First of all, it's weird because the atmosphere is highly-sexed. Second, I'm fully clothed, she's butt naked. Hmmm I wonder who he's focused on, me or Roxxxy sliding down the pole? And I would think picking up dudes in the strip club makes me seem desperate. If I'm on the prowl for a serious relationship and I'm buying drinks for a brotha in the nudie bar, as Essence suggests, I'm setting the bar low for what's to come if we become a couple.
Suggstion #5 is not just about strippers. This is another example of our community telling sistas to lower their standards. I'm SICK AND TIRED of black women being told to settle when it comes to men and life overall. I doubt that was Essence's intent but that's how the point came off.
That's right black women, ain't too many brothas around. And you're not desired. Take what you can get. Even if it means waiting for Candy to finish her lap dance so you can get that fine brotha's number.
We know the stats. A majority of black women are unmarried, including moi. But I'm worth more than just having any ol' body. WE are worth more, than having any ol' body. Single sistas, how many times have your friends or family said to you:
- "You're too picky."
- "You're going to have to find someone who makes less money than you."
- "Most black men aren't on your level so settle for someone who didn't go to college."
- "You want too much."
- "Just be happy somebody wants you."
- "Girl, I know you're lonely and want to be in a relationship but just find a booty call. At least he'll keep you warm tonight."
- "At least he has most of his teeth."
The last one is a joke my friends and I made in college. Seriously, I've heard these things from black people. It's funny because many of the people who told me these things were guys who weren't about nothing or women dating guys who weren't about nothing. Sistas ain't nothing wrong with wanting the best. My uncle told me a long time ago that a good man is hard to find, so don't settle. If you want a man who likes to travel, go for it. If you want a brotha who is educated and makes a great salary (whatever that means to you) I ain't mad at you. If you want someone who is a hard worker and good to your children--that's not asking too much. Whether you're a checker at JC Penny or an executive at JP Morgan--you work too hard to settle for a warm body you picked up at Magic City. Essence lists nine other places to meet black men. Check those out.
Ya'll know how I roll. I'm open to meeting all races of men and black women should expand their options if they like. Lately I've been stepping out of my comfort zone when it comes to meeting men and networking. I'll tell you about that in the next post and list some places where I've meet nice guys.
Riddle me this: would you go to a strip club to meet men and why? If you're a guy, would you think lower of a woman who approached you in a strip club? Or would you think nothing of it. Leave a comment. Use your real name or make up a name when speaking your mind. It's up to you. I want hear your thoughts.
Have a good weekend Cocoa Fly readers and stay out of Deja Vu.
Image from PicApp